Category: Emotions


First let me clarify what “my Biff” is so this post will make sense and I will post a picture below as well.  Biff is a talking stuffed animal that was made by Mattel in 1965 and he was mine when I was just a “little crum cruncher” at the age of 4 (and by the way I am 48 now!).  I had lost track of him in my twenties with my wife’s aunt taking him saying she would fix him up as his clothes and body needed to be sewn up.  I did not concern my self with it as I had my own family I was raising, working and just dealing with more important things in my life.  I would ask about Biff periodically and my wife said she would check on it and we would move onto something else.

Flash forward to just a few years ago when I found out that Biff had made his way to my brother-in-law who now had possession of him.  Again the same thing, I would bring it up about checking on getting Biff back but it was not that important.  However, in the last year getting Biff back became more important and I will share that later.  Anyway, I was opening presents for Christmas and when I opened the box there was “Biff”!! I couldn’t believe it!! My older son had gotten him, gave him to my sister-in-law to sew up and repair and gave it to me for Christmas!! I was so excited to finally have Biff back in my possession! He doesn’t talk anymore because the voice box is broken, but that doesn’t matter as I have a fond childhood memory back in my possession.

As I reflect on why this is important to me it becomes obvious to me that age may play some part of this.  I find that as I get older I reflect on things that made me happy and that meant something to me and Biff was on of them.  This is not to say that I am not content with Life now, I am.  It just reminds me that having possessions and acquiring things really don’t have any meaning for me and I find myself wanting to spend my time being around my family and friends and remembering what is important and by having Biff back (even though he is an inanimate object) helps me to realize this. Biff helps me to think about the positive things in my childhood and not the negative and what is important to me today.  Biff is now proudly displayed on my bookshelf!

 

Biff

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Every once in a while I will post a blog about my dog molly and based on a recent experience I thought it was time for another.  Last year Molly became very sick with vomiting, not eating, and very lethargic so I took her to the vet and she was diagnosed with pancreatitis and kept her for 3 days for a charge if about $400.00.  The vet said because of her age (12) this is a chronic condition that could flare up anytime, by the way Molly is a lab mix.

Anyway, several weeks ago she began to develop these same symptoms again and due to her age and talking to others with old dogs this was old age and she was on the verge of death. I placed in her in the garage on the dog bed and tried to make her comfortable and she just laid there.  I was not really in a position for another large vet bill especially for an older dog with a chronic problem.  I had water for her but he hardly drank as I knew she needed to keep hydrated. I bought pedialite and she would drink this with her water which I thought was good sign, but during the first 5 days of being sick she had not eaten anything.

After 5 days she appeared to be trying to respond but didn’t have any energy and I had tried to give her some protein shake but she wouldn’t drink it.  I was trying to figure out something she would eat to get her strength back and if she would recover then I would decide if I needed to take her to the vet.  So then I thought of the “miracle cure” that brought molly back from the brink of death… “Peanut Butter sandwiches”!! I figured she needed protein to fill her up and restore her energy so I would make them and tear off in pieces so she could eat. After about 3 days of this she began to walk around and go do her business in the yard.  She was slobbering a lot and leaking feces so I decided to take her to the vet and make sure.  He ran tests and nothing came back and gave me a couple of prescriptions and by the evening she was her happy self and ready to eat everything in site like she used too!!

I wanted to share a positive story as animals become part of the family and as has done everything I asked to chasing the buzzards that fly in the sky to eating the mayflies that try to get into the house during the Spring so I decided this was worth my effort to help save Molly along with a little prayer to God!!

molly

I have posted about our dance lessons and meeting new people and how fun this and got me to thinking about this and how we have been treated by some church members in the past in comparison to how we have been treated by our new relationships in the last few years.  For starters this is not a slam on the Church as I am a Christian, served on committees, attending regularly etc… all my life so my view is from extensive experience.  When we began to take our lessons and go to the local “honky-tonk” several people came right up to talk with us, within a few months we were invited with the group to a cookout, we went to the gun range together etc… and have made some good friends.  A few months later we met a different set of couples and within a few months they were inviting us to go on their out-of-town dance trips they had been taking together for several years and accepted us into their group which I thought was awesome.

In comparison to some church’s I have attended there are group’s already established and they do not want to let you in. Or, some people are self-righteous because they think you don’t attend enough and judge you for it.  Of all places where you should be included and not judged for things out of your control is in your Church!! I hope people who call themselves Christians really think this is ok?? The Church is not a country club for certain people to decide if they are good enough to be included or not.  It is sad that I can meet people who are not regular church attenders treat me better than some I have gone to Church with and it should not be this way. Then some wonder why Church attendance is dropping in this country and can’t figure out why.  We all can make mistakes and not realize what our attitude can do someone else, but if you did make an honest mistake then own up to it and try not to do it again, but don’t continually have a sorry attitude towards someone else especially in Church and if you are a Christian.

I was out with our group of friends last night for dancing and there is one man who attends that lives in our area while his family lives 7 hours away.  He will dance with the different ladies at the club and a few in particular on a regular basis.  I talk with him and we are friends and says he works here in the medical field and says he can’t find a job in the city he is from which is much larger than ours.  This person attends this club 3-4 nights a week while his wife takes care of the kids back home.  This seems odd to me but I do not judge or condemn anyone as this is his business.  But the reason I bring it up is because there apparently has been a change in the last few weeks.

Several weeks ago he said his wife called stressed out about the kids and he was upset saying about this.  Last week he left early and the last night he was not even there and some said the wife has put and end to “honky tonkin”!!  I am not picking on this person but I post this to make point in relation to the title of my post. This person seemed to be interested in himself and claiming “I just want to have a good time”.  Maybe not even thinking about the toll these decision were having on his family.  Sometimes we all can get caught up in “ourselves” and not take the time to think about others especially in our family situations.  When we only think about ourselves this can lead to conflict and sometimes years of separation and disconnect from those around us.

To me this is a good lesson, when the “red alert” is going off about the way you are acting then stop and listen to the alert it could save you a lot of grieve and headache down the road!

As I posted yesterday about my dance competition I wanted to add about my observation of the people I met and some that I was already familiar with.  I met one lady who talked to me about their group event from another city and was very interested in us attending their event, she was very pleasant and nice and we had a good conversation.  Seemed like to me the non professional dancers acknowledged and spoke with you but, there was another group of people from the dance club from the same city I live and how they acted and this is the point of my post.

We have seen these people out at local dance events and they sit off in a corner to themselves, don’t speak to anybody but who is in their group and present themselves as arrogant and egotistical all because they can dance better than others or think they can.  I don’t kiss up to anybody and I don’t care who you are if you can’t act civil.  Don’t get me wrong I believe in networking and all but I am not going to kiss somebody’s ass so they will like me!  Anyway, we competed in our dance competition categories and according to others we ran into and the judging we did well.  What do yo know?? Some of these people in the “stuck up” group acknowledged us, spoke to us and one of the women even asked me to dance!!

I just don’t get this?? I don’t think you should present yourself as superior to other people no matter what their ability and standing.  The next time I am in the same area with these people I am not going to run to them like they are my new friends!! I am going to stick with the friends I have!  There is no issue with being good at what you do, but remember “pride goes before a fall” and this could happen to any of us so that is why I stay humble and it has served me well.

I have posted about the dance lessons I have been taking and then going out on the weekend to practice what I have learned.  Now you have to understand that in order to practice what you have learned it is necessary to visit the local “honky-tonk” or other “venues” and these are places that I had not frequented often on my past.  However, in addition to learning to dance which I have observed are “a complex set of variables that take time to master” I have also enjoyed one of my favorite things to do which is watching the interaction of other people.  I like to call myself a “practiced observer” and it has served me very well.

Anyway, to the point of my title.  I notice in the setting outlined above there are many singles and I am not talking about twentysomethings, but the people my age in their 40’s-50’s and trying to find a partner or significant other.  In this one scenario I have observed there is this one dude that comes in (I will call him B) and sometimes he is with a female (I will call her P).  He never smiles and if we take a group lesson he is with P away from the group, he looks kinda like he is in a bad mood or something.  I have danced and talked with P and she is easy-going and seems to have a sweet personality.  Me and some of the others have heard how her partner talks to her about doing a dance move incorrectly being critical and disrespectful!!

If this was something serious or a million dollars on the line then maybe this would be acceptable but it is dancing for crying out loud!!  I don’t understand why she would let him talk to her like this over something where you are supposed to be having fun!!  I have others I have observed as well and will post on those later but this situation is the most recent event that came to my attention.

So my point is this, while it takes time to get to know someone I believe “your gut” will let you know sooner than later if this person is right for you.  I would address this to the ladies since this is what I have observed.  You do not need to settle for someone like this just to have somebody!!  You don’t need (usually a male) to disrespect you and try to manipulate you!!  Take your time and wait for the right person, deep down you know right off if this person is ok.  If not then move on!! Life is too short to be mistreated by another person.

As a “practiced observer” I will post on other people I have observed so we can all try to figure out why we do the things we do or at least try not to keep doing the wrong things over and over!

I had left off with my dad coming back to my state from California and staying at my half brothers house and then my mom moved him back in with her. She was in the upstairs apartment in our complex and me, my wife and son who was a baby at the time living in the downstairs apartment.  This was about 20 years ago, but the best I can remember he stayed there about 6 months.  We would walk up stairs and visit and had my dad down to my apartment for dinner.  While he had not been part of my life I was willing to try to work at some kind of relationship but he was still an alcoholic so any chance at a relationship was small, but I was willing to try.

I don’t know all that happened while he stayed with mom, but I could tell things were not going well, he was still drinking and becoming belligerent like my mom said he was when they were married.  I tried to talk to him about my faith in God hoping this might make a change, but it was hard to do as we did not have a relationship so I just left my bible there hoping he might read it.  My mom told me after he moved out that he had told her he has two sons “one that is a Jesus freak” (that would be me) and another “son that is a drunk” (this would be my half-brother). I never thought I was a “Jesus Freak” but I have a faith and hope in God and willing to share for what He has done for me and the mercy He shows me as well and I was trying to do the same for my dad.

Right before my dad left he and my half-brother had been to the track and apparently been drinking and fighting and had come back to the parking lot of our apartment complex. He and my half-brother were in the parking lot fighting and someone called the police and I came out to see what was going on. My half-brother left and my mom went back into the apartment so that left me out there with my dad and the police and now he had nowhere to go. The police said if he doesn’t go somewhere they would have to take him to jail. To me know matter what he had done by leaving us or being a drunk I couldn’t let him go to jail so I told the police I would take care of.  I drove him to a local motel and said mom does not want you back and you have to leave.  I didn’t like telling someone who no one wants them as I think this would be a horrible way to live but I had to say it.  I had a test the next day so my father in law gathered up his clothes and his car and took them to the motel where he was staying.  At this point my dad left town and stayed with his mother for a little while before making his final stop to stay with his brother in Florida.

Again, I tell this story for a little background on my current family dilemma.  I hated that things turned out the way they did and that I could not have a dad to count on or ask advice about things as I got older. Some things in life are just common sense and you know what to do, but other times you need another man to bounce things off of that you can’t ask your mother and this is what I missed.  I have had to forge ahead and to the best that I can and do not want to dwell on the past as none of us should because you can’t do anything about it now.

I will post more of the story in my next post.