Tag Archive: realtionships


First let me clarify what “my Biff” is so this post will make sense and I will post a picture below as well.  Biff is a talking stuffed animal that was made by Mattel in 1965 and he was mine when I was just a “little crum cruncher” at the age of 4 (and by the way I am 48 now!).  I had lost track of him in my twenties with my wife’s aunt taking him saying she would fix him up as his clothes and body needed to be sewn up.  I did not concern my self with it as I had my own family I was raising, working and just dealing with more important things in my life.  I would ask about Biff periodically and my wife said she would check on it and we would move onto something else.

Flash forward to just a few years ago when I found out that Biff had made his way to my brother-in-law who now had possession of him.  Again the same thing, I would bring it up about checking on getting Biff back but it was not that important.  However, in the last year getting Biff back became more important and I will share that later.  Anyway, I was opening presents for Christmas and when I opened the box there was “Biff”!! I couldn’t believe it!! My older son had gotten him, gave him to my sister-in-law to sew up and repair and gave it to me for Christmas!! I was so excited to finally have Biff back in my possession! He doesn’t talk anymore because the voice box is broken, but that doesn’t matter as I have a fond childhood memory back in my possession.

As I reflect on why this is important to me it becomes obvious to me that age may play some part of this.  I find that as I get older I reflect on things that made me happy and that meant something to me and Biff was on of them.  This is not to say that I am not content with Life now, I am.  It just reminds me that having possessions and acquiring things really don’t have any meaning for me and I find myself wanting to spend my time being around my family and friends and remembering what is important and by having Biff back (even though he is an inanimate object) helps me to realize this. Biff helps me to think about the positive things in my childhood and not the negative and what is important to me today.  Biff is now proudly displayed on my bookshelf!

 

Biff

I have posted about our dance lessons and meeting new people and how fun this and got me to thinking about this and how we have been treated by some church members in the past in comparison to how we have been treated by our new relationships in the last few years.  For starters this is not a slam on the Church as I am a Christian, served on committees, attending regularly etc… all my life so my view is from extensive experience.  When we began to take our lessons and go to the local “honky-tonk” several people came right up to talk with us, within a few months we were invited with the group to a cookout, we went to the gun range together etc… and have made some good friends.  A few months later we met a different set of couples and within a few months they were inviting us to go on their out-of-town dance trips they had been taking together for several years and accepted us into their group which I thought was awesome.

In comparison to some church’s I have attended there are group’s already established and they do not want to let you in. Or, some people are self-righteous because they think you don’t attend enough and judge you for it.  Of all places where you should be included and not judged for things out of your control is in your Church!! I hope people who call themselves Christians really think this is ok?? The Church is not a country club for certain people to decide if they are good enough to be included or not.  It is sad that I can meet people who are not regular church attenders treat me better than some I have gone to Church with and it should not be this way. Then some wonder why Church attendance is dropping in this country and can’t figure out why.  We all can make mistakes and not realize what our attitude can do someone else, but if you did make an honest mistake then own up to it and try not to do it again, but don’t continually have a sorry attitude towards someone else especially in Church and if you are a Christian.

I have posted about the dance lessons I have been taking and then going out on the weekend to practice what I have learned.  Now you have to understand that in order to practice what you have learned it is necessary to visit the local “honky-tonk” or other “venues” and these are places that I had not frequented often on my past.  However, in addition to learning to dance which I have observed are “a complex set of variables that take time to master” I have also enjoyed one of my favorite things to do which is watching the interaction of other people.  I like to call myself a “practiced observer” and it has served me very well.

Anyway, to the point of my title.  I notice in the setting outlined above there are many singles and I am not talking about twentysomethings, but the people my age in their 40’s-50’s and trying to find a partner or significant other.  In this one scenario I have observed there is this one dude that comes in (I will call him B) and sometimes he is with a female (I will call her P).  He never smiles and if we take a group lesson he is with P away from the group, he looks kinda like he is in a bad mood or something.  I have danced and talked with P and she is easy-going and seems to have a sweet personality.  Me and some of the others have heard how her partner talks to her about doing a dance move incorrectly being critical and disrespectful!!

If this was something serious or a million dollars on the line then maybe this would be acceptable but it is dancing for crying out loud!!  I don’t understand why she would let him talk to her like this over something where you are supposed to be having fun!!  I have others I have observed as well and will post on those later but this situation is the most recent event that came to my attention.

So my point is this, while it takes time to get to know someone I believe “your gut” will let you know sooner than later if this person is right for you.  I would address this to the ladies since this is what I have observed.  You do not need to settle for someone like this just to have somebody!!  You don’t need (usually a male) to disrespect you and try to manipulate you!!  Take your time and wait for the right person, deep down you know right off if this person is ok.  If not then move on!! Life is too short to be mistreated by another person.

As a “practiced observer” I will post on other people I have observed so we can all try to figure out why we do the things we do or at least try not to keep doing the wrong things over and over!

Sorry that I was just able to post more on this subject as I have been posting on Iran. I like to talk about different things so that is why my blog has different subjects on it, probably because I have adult ADD or something!!  Anyway, as I stated before I grew up without a Dad and an only child, but did have a half-brother and sister from my Dad’s first wife.  I did not know my half-sister that well but I did spend time with my half-brother when we visited Mamaw and Papaw in the summer.  I liked being around him as he was “the older brother” and I cherished the time I spent with him in the summers as we did not see each other any other time.  As we got older we did not stay in touch as he would readily admit that he was an alcoholic just like our Dad.

In my early twenties I kept in touch with my Mamaw and Papaw and loved them very much and wanted to keep contact with them even though I was starting my own life as they were very important to me.  I did not stay in touch with my cousins and aunts unless we were all together for an event.  My Papaw died when I was 25 and little did I know after his death that things were going to unravel in my relationships with this side of the family. I visited my Mamaw several times with my new son and she would hold and rock him to sleep as he had colic and would scream his head off and she was very good with him.  Oh by the way, when I was born it was my Mamaw who put my first and middle name together to help name me so I felt like I was important to her.  She also asked me and my wife if we would paint her house and she would pay us, after she moved in with her daughter (my aunt) she wanted me to have her couch and chair.

I say all the above to show I had a good relationship with her and as I continue to blog I will tie in what I was talking about in my first blog on this subject if that makes any sense?  As my title indicates I share this to try to make a point that I do not like drama but sometimes others in our lives force drama or situations on us and by how we react will reveal what kind of person we are or what we might become.

I wanted to blog about the dance lessons my wife and I have been taking. When our youngest son was a senior in high school we started talking about what we were going to do with are free time since we would not have to chase and haul kids around anymore.  We had seen and heard about others whose kids had left home and the husband and wife don’t know each other anymore because they were raising kids.  We didn’t want to be like that so we started trying to think of something we could do together so we decided to take dance lessons.  Some of our friends will say “you only doing it because your wife wants too” which is totally not true.

I have thoroughly enjoyed myself and I have found it to be a big stress reliever as well.  As the man I have to lead, listen to the beat, and think about what I have to do next and I find that during my lesson or going dancing I totally forget all the other stuff that has gone on during the day because I need to concentrate. We have also met new friends that we would have never had the chance to meet if we had not decided to try something new. Right now we are working on “Polka”!! I never did like country music and could not stand it, but the beat goes with the dancing I like and here I am listening to country music!! I will keep posting about our progress.

So my “neubworthynote” about this is to say:  To those of you that are married and your kids have, or about to leave the home  begin to find something you and your spouse can do together to make sure you stay connected especially after your kids have moved out.  Try something new and get out of the house, off the couch or whatever but try something new.  I still have to get myself thinking like this, but my advice is to just get up and try something new.  Life is too short!!

That is why I am “trying to blog” because I am trying something new.